After delivery, Preston did not get to nurse immediately. It was probably 30 minutes, and Ronnie had already ran out to the waiting room to bring his mom in. She was the only one who had made it to the hospital in time. I was glad she was there, she is pretty much my mom too, but it delayed me being able to nurse because she wanted to hold him. By the time I got to hold him again and nurse him, the other nurses were in and out of the room (it was a busy delivery morning apparently). My blood pressure had skyrocketed during labor too, so I was constantly being monitored in case they need to inject me with Magnesium. They didn't thank goodness, but my blood pressure was like 150/100 (insane!). Needless to say, with all of that going on, I didn't get the best opportunity to ensure a proper latch right away.
A couple hours later, after his shots and circumcision, he was brought to me in the Postpartum room. The nurses told me to nurse him every 2-3 hours. It was so painful every time he latched on, like a pinching feeling. I refused to latch him on unless a nurse was with me. I stayed for 48 hours, so I made sure to see the lactation consultant a couple hours both of the days. She assured me that he had a great latch, but that because of my breast size that I would also need to hold the breast with one hand, while supporting his head with the other hand. Talk about a handful...haha
By the third day my milk had come in, and that was painful. To relieve the pressure, I pumped for around 10 minutes, and got 9 ounces out. I was excited that I pumped so much because I took it as a sign that my baby boy would definitely have a chance to be a great nurser. I continued to nurse as often as possible, as Preston wanted to nurse CONSTANTLY. He would nurse for 30 minutes, fall asleep for a few minutes, and then would be ready to eat again. There were days where he ate 15-16 times in a 24 hour period.
The LC told me to not offer a paci or bottle for 3-4 weeks to avoid nipple confusion. I caved and offered Preston a paci on the 4th or 5th day. I just could not handle him attached to me anymore. I cried all of the time. I was in pain all of the time.
Finally asleep...
He also loves the Soothie paci...notice how he is holding it in?
By the time he was 2.5 weeks old, I disappointingly offered him formula. It was one of those Emfamil pre-made bottle the hospital sends home with you. He drink a half ounce and then spit up everywhere. First I was crying because I was in pain and tired. Anytime he rooted against me, I could feel the anger inside me. It sounds so horrible to say that, but I promise I would NEVER hurt my child (or anyone for that matter!). It was just I felt so clueless and inadequate. Why was my baby so hungry all of the time? It was my fault that he wasn't getting enough from me. Then, I offer him formula, and it makes him sick! I now realize that he spit up probably because he was full, which means he most likely was filling up on my milk. I just wasn't sure how to comfort him in the beginning. We were both figuring each other out for sure.
He is 9 weeks old today, and I am proud to announce that we are still nursing. However, he also gets a bottle of formula a day too. It has been a painful and tiring journey so far, and breastfeeding has certainly been a love/hate relationship. I have gone to see the LC at the hospital multiple times, in which she tells me that I latch his on perfectly. I still get that pinching feeling on my right breast when he nurses, and both my and his doctors don't think it is thrush. To be honest, I think that our nursing relationship WILL get easier. It is so much better now that it was 6 weeks ago already. He still takes his sweet time eating, but he will get faster as his mouth grows and can accommodate more of the areola and nipple. No doctor has told me this, but it is just my intuition.
I also have 5 weeks of breast milk stored in the freezer for when I do decide to wean. My original goal was 6 months, but now I look at it as I want to make it through this month, each month. It makes me so sad that it is something that I do not fully enjoy, yet when I think of quitting, it makes me even more sad. When he does nurse, he looks so sweet curled up against me. I also love how he uses me as a big ol' pillow when he finishes.
I have had a couple friends whose babies would never take a bottle, so I do feel lucky that he will eat from either one, I do regret offering a bottle so soon. My reasons to give a bottle were: 1) pain 2) exhaustion
3) fear of not producing enough for Preston, and 4) wanting to involve Ronnie. These are each fair and understandable reasons. The downside was that supplementing greatly affected my supply. At 6 weeks, I was down to pumping 2-3 ounces total after 4-5 hours...SAD! I took an entire bottle of Fenugreek over the course of 2 weeks, I eat oatmeal for breakfast every other day, and I now drink a TALL glass of water every time I nurse or pump.
My friend is letting me borrow her Medela Advanced electric double breast pump. Yesterday I pumped 4 ounces total after 4 hours! Preston takes 4 ounces in a bottle, so that means he should be able to get at least that from me since babies can express more milk than any pump can.
Hopefully someone finds this helpful, or encouraging to someone who is struggling with deciding whether to quit or not. I am glad I have stuck with it.
I think that it's so awesome that you've worked so hard to continue in this! I understand first hand how hard breastfeeding can be -mentally! Breastfeeding was something that LL and I both were really good at, but it was also something that I never enjoyed. I wished that I did, but I didn't. Hopefully next time! You're doing awesome, girl!
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